Hosptial

getting worked on.... eaqting

the man pumping air in my veins a doc from the war.. sued tubing and blew air in my viens

babys walking around on broken glass

mom taking pictures

austin asking me about the blood under my skin

Brandon & Claudia

Last night I dreamt I was on a date with Brandon Fraiser. I know I know... It was really interesting. My friend Claudia and I were living in a house together. I had been at a function with some celebrities earlier, and was driving a convertible. I was in the kitchen doing the dishes. Someone knocked on the door, It was Brandon. He said he was meeting Claudia or an art opening at a bar... Smiled... asked me if I was coming along? WEll DUH!

I got dressed we went to the show. We were walking through a downtown setting with old red brick buildings fire escapses. I remember looking up and feeling Brandons eyes on me. I said, see how lovely it looks as you look up to the sky? He looked at me and smiled a "knowing" smile and looked up. Then Claudia said, Keep up!

We arrive at the bar, I notice the artwork is really bad. I start thinking about what I could do, what could i paint, what could i create. Ordering a drink, talking to the bartendress. I feel someones hand slip around mine, i look up and B is looking at me. Peaceful. It was a gentle feeling. He was intrigued with me but not overly aggressive. I felt at home finally. He told me with his eyes you are fascinating to me. I pick you.

I remember we were just passing exchanged looks and conversations about the art. He said, you are a much better artist. You should do more work.

It was an affirmation I was looking for manifested in my brain with familiar faces.

Where oh Where am I going?

So last night another fantastical journey through my subconcious. I don't remember a lot of it. Mostly I remember taking a shower, finding the right shampoo and conditioner. I was at a family members place. Everyone was there either sleeping, or getting ready to go somewhere. (I have a huge feeling of transition with my family. Everyone in my family is. My sister is going places (new house and maybe baby). My brother is getting more mentally sound.) I was running around making decisions.

One scene in the "dream movie" my mother was giving me some interesting advice. It wasn't the usual mom advice. She said, "He is coming. You have to keep an eye out for a man in the car with you. Don't be afraid to help someone out with a ride or getting some help with your car. And don't be bothered about your initial reaction."

I totally blew that off. I mean really who is going to listen to their mom's advice about men!? Then I got to thinking, maybe it wasn't her talking to me. Maybe it was a face put on by someone else to give me a piece of information I would have thrown off if from a person less familiar.

You know? Things are really changing for me right now. Rapidly. Anything can happen. I guess I am going to pay attention to things that happen regarding my car! sheesh. Romance at the wheel. Maybe its D.W. Maybe its a famous race car driver. My luck? A divorced auto mechanic with a daughter. Because thats pretty much what I need in my life. A sibling for the little guy and a man that can fix my car and my attitude. :wink:

Dressing Up.

Last night i was dressing up for a party, and I kept trying on all kinds of bustiers. The red one with the black satin ribbon looked best. I couldn't seem to get it on. I was having difficulties with the clasps.

I was dressing up. Going to a party, and I was much thinner. Looking good. I need some bustiers in my life.

Showers

I was visiting a friend, in a huge house. Lots of room... was spying it for maybe renting a room. I wish i could have written it out this morning when I woke up.

the thing that stands out most in my mind is the bathroom/shower. I started in there to clean up. and it was small rooms, barely any room to fit.. with little bits of shampoo and conditioner here and there. nothing significant.. i was stretching to make it work. When I looked around, i was looking at a girl who had laid out a visitors basket for me, with everything I needed in it. makeup, and lotions, shampoos, everything specific to MY needs. it felt nice to be pampered.

I also had a very nice moment looking up at the stars with my sister. and my brother was there too. on the ocean. huge house with a huge library. i felt at home and satisfied.

The Father and the Bum

Last night was a long intense dream... which really only took place for a few seconds I know. I was back in Dallas with a friend. We were cruising around checking out places. I took her to a favorite hangout of mine. A place I always used to go. My friend was outside on the patio hanging with some people, and I was inside on the bench laying down and remembering the "times". As I looked to the front door, in walked the EX. The father of my bambino. He had come in wearing a leg brace, and walking with a cane. I looked at him in disgust. He looked at me in disgust. I said, shit. What are you doing here? And asked him about his leg. He said he had palsy. But while he was explaining it I wasn't listening. Behind him was a crazy eyed man with thick glasses, and a hat with a blue jay feather. He kept calling him the preacher. I said, "lets pretend we don't see each other". He said, "that's fine with me". So off he went with the guy he came in with.

There are a lot of details I am forgetting. But I remember laying on that bench thinking about times, looking through the slats of the walkway watching him. His hair was shorter, shoulder length. I would catch him looking at me occasionally. He was drinking beer. Same old same old. I was thinking he hasn't really changed, and it has caught up with him physically. I wondered why he had come there. As I was laying there, he and his friend, i guess with the alcohol courage, came to talk to me. The ex was telling me of his desire to change, and become a preacher. I laughed and asked him more about that, remembering all the dreams he discussed but never pursued. Just then, my son came in from outside, i had forgotten he was there... he ran over and looked at the ex. He just sat in his lap and put his arms around him. Then the ex started to cry as the little mans fingers ran across his face. I thought they could be so connected and what a shame it was. Then a shiver of fear came across me, that what he would try to take the little guy away from me.

I decided to let them have some privacy and bonding time. I walked outside to find my friend, and we talked for a little bit. I remember walking down the alleyway, finding ways through some paths, saw my dead camera lens in the dirt, and walked happily past, down to the ocean where everything seemed to be walking on the water, horses, people, etc. The boats were also sailing on clear water, endless horizon line too. Nothing in the distance. I made my way back to the bar, and when i got there, My ex and the little man were gone.

I was freaking out. My friend was there, I said, where did they go? I knew that he had charmed her into thinking I was unfit. He always had a way of being charming and those deep green eyes didn't hurt anything either. I said to her, where did he go.. She said, I am not supposed to tell you. I said, you know then, she said, yes. I was adamant about how crazy he could be, and not sure the little guy would be safe with him drinking and the man he was hanging out with. I went back into my house, and I heard a knock on the door. He had returned with the little guy. His friend said to me, I had to talk him into bringing him back. He wasn't going to. I gave him a big hug and said, thanks for being a good friend to him. Then the ex started talking about becoming a preacher, and getting his life together so he could be with his son. I smiled thinking, a wonderful idea. we will see what happens.

Then they left. the end. or is it? i am wondering.

Candy Cane

I dreamt i was in a small town,it was snowing. There were American Indians there on horseback. For some reason we were fighting them, in a sense, more like a stand off. It was cold, and we were hungry. A young indian warrior came over and opened up his jacket and took out some jerky that was hanging on a coat hanger and gave it to us. I remember thinking how wonderful it tasted, as I walked away up the hill, into another stage of the dream.

I was downtown in a big city with someone. They were showing me around different sights. All of the sudden I had in my hand a huge candy cane that was green and red. I was thinking to myself, there is no way i can carry this and eat my jerky at the same time, so i folded it up and put it in my pocket.

thats all I can remember.

Prison

Last night for a brief amount of time I dreamt I was in prison. I remember it starting when I was in the lunchroom. I looked around and realized I was wearing a grey suit, and in a room full of men and women. I thought I couldn't be in prison, as there were men and women in the same room.

After eating, I was distributing mail. I came across a catalog that was describing all kinds of mechanical body alterations/manipulations. It was so horrific and abstract I got scared. (What was my mind thinking in seeing this in my mind?) I immediately dropped that in the trash, and refused to distribute it. (I am feeling sick to my stomach thinking about it.)

After this episode, I went to the shower. The shower had a window in the front of it, and everyone could see me. I kept trying to close the curtain, but was having difficulty. While in there I saw some of the inmates going through the things in my room, but i couldn't get out in time to stop them. When I finally got back to my room, an inmate came in and was attempting to rape me. I remember saying to him, you are nothing, you mean nothing and what you are doing is nothing. I will not be affected by you in any way. This seemed to have worked. He left.

Then I woke up with that horrific images from the catalog, wondering where the hell my mind was going with that one.

more sleep or less. I can't figure it out. damn depression.

Dreams are Back

So part of my dream last night? Another party scene. On a grassy hill... Balloons everywhere, and string.

I don't remember much but the end of the dream was a group of guys sitting in my driveway in a Van, talking about growing up and surfing.

breaking in

Last night I feel asleep early, and I started dreaming about someone that was trying to break into my apt. For a while. He was pounding on the door. He had on a denim shirt and a red striped tie. I don't even know that he wasn't trying to help me out, because he didn't seem threatening. He seemed more concerned than wanting to hurt me. He even asked the neighbor for a key. But I was terrified about him entering the house. Brown hair, brown eyes... I don't know why I was scared. But it was one of those dreams where you can't move or speak. I woke myself up and I was screaming.

I couldn't go back to sleep. And I couldn't think about it anymore that night.

The Asylum

Ok another wild one! I was living in an apartment that was painted all white.I found some kind of a note on my, there was someone warning me of something. All the windows were unlocked. I wasn't too freaked out about it at first. Wandered around to start locking them up, and noticed a man in the backyard, wearing a huge warm coat. He was picking up things in the yard, when he noticed me. In his hands was a small brown child sized knitted coat. He saw me looking at him. He was afraid and wandered off.


AT some point I realized I was a therapist or a doctor in a mental institution. On my way to work I had some car issues. All kinds of detours. The hospital was on a hillside. I had to cross a small bridge to get to the hospital. When I got inside, I realized I was carrying a huge stack of drawings. I wandered deeper into the hospital, and the roof was leaking. I notice the nurses scurrying around to get people out of the flooding rooms. I was at a loss to where to help. I talked to a nurse, she was trying to direct me. I headed down to a lower level, and the water was clear and filling up the joint. Kind of clear green, and the patients that weren't even aware of what was going on, I had to get out on stretchers and move. As things cleared up a bit, i met someone out at the nurses station and we were going over schedules. She said I am sorry you had to see the place this way on your first day. At this point, a man wandered into the hallway. He faced a wall, that was partially bricked up. He started prophesies about the future, saying to the wall something about I saw what you did. I want to heal you. The nurse was yelling at him. I said, lets see what he says. he ends up melting into the wall, becoming part of it. talking about healing. becoming one with the wall, and you could see his physical shape but it became a part of the wall. then he finished up and walked off. I was discussing this with the nurse saying, did you see what he did there? she said, jack off on a wall? I said no.. something much more surreal and out of this world. You didn't see it? She looked at me like I was nuts.

I am still confused about all that.


Night before last, Johnny Depp and I were traveling together! That was a fun dream. We never had sex, but we sure did some fun stuff. Ended up making dinner together too. :-)

The Dream

You finally were coming to see me. You had your kids with you and were staying in a hotel in my town. I can't tell you how happy i was to see you. The interesting part was.... how comfortable I was with your kids. and you. But it was obviously bad timing. You were wearing a suit. I delivered you a breakfast tray while you were sleeping, or I thought you were. But really you were on the phone discussing business. You had on a suit and tie, and the kids were asleep. I dropped the tray and all the confections flipped over. I had roses on the tray. They were full bloom and deep red. For some reason I was also in a cops uniform. I was a detective or something.

I am thinking about you this morning... xo

Intense

I have had some really intense dreams this month. Sorry to say, I haven't had much free time to do anything like write down dreams!

One of them was about my son. He was on a skate board, and playing ball. I think he is going to be good at sports. If he chooses that.

I am very tired today and got some bad news.